Weird and normal

I've got to say - it has been a bit weird and normal around our place since my recent diagnosis. I got quickly referred by my surgeon to the new patient radiation oncology clinic at the Juravinski Cancer Centre in Hamilton. It was kind of weird to go there again, as I worked there for more than 15 years in cancer research. It was also kind of normal, as so many people I saw were quite familiar to me - including my radiation oncologist. Being on a first name basis really does help.

Back to the Cancer Centre in a different capacity

During the rad onc appointment, we decided to skip ahead and get prepared for radiation treatment, even though we have not yet decided if that is the right direction to go. The main decision will be made once we know more from the pathology reports still to be received as to what type of treatment might be the best in my case.

At some point in the last few weeks I realized that what made me feel better and feel almost normal was to, quite literally, try to do normal things. I did go back to work periodically during the state of shock period, and my friends at the university gave me a proper Health Sciences sweater (I am always cold now) plus a stuffed thyroid! Receiving a thyroid was weird, but somehow felt like the most normal thing to me. It was the best thyroid I have ever received!

Not long after, my older brother from Winnipeg drove (yes, drove) out to see us for a few days. Below is one evening when we decided to drink up the last few drops from a bottle of Mirabelle schnapps made in the 1980s by our landlady (from the early 1960s) in France. I picked it up in 1995 when Wendy and I visited her and we still had a little of it remaining.  Karl was even able to come with us to a medical oncologist (also on a first name basis) appointment to lend his support. I think the reality of the situation was quite clear after that appointment. We did come to the conclusion that there is no cure for this type of cancer, so we are going to do our best to find something that will slow it down and give me more time with those who are important to me. The appointment was also useful to hear of all the options that may be available to me - something that we really couldn't grasp right after the initial diagnosis.

Eric and Karl drinking the last drops

Our son, Adam, came down from North Bay the same day that his uncle headed back to Manitoba (they didn't get a chance to see each other). Adam brought a bunch of colleagues from his college to go to the Canadian Warplane Heritage Museum. He needed a few extra bodies to get the group rate, so myself and Sally (PhD student who lives with us) decided to go along. It was great to get a private tour of the museum, and it definitely felt more normal than weird. That evening we also had a family meeting to be able to hear what everyone was feeling and what was important to each of us as this process unfolds. The meeting was difficult to do, but well worth the effort and the tears.

I decided that just going to work was not enough for me, so I started doing teaching again. I have done multiple lectures since then, even with my paralyzed vocal cords, and it felt very normal to be in front of the students again.

It did feel a little weird when the warm (and noisy) reaction of the students to seeing me walk in the room hit me. I just had to take a selfie in one of the classes! That was probably the most weird part of my day, but it felt great!

As I write this, all of my classes are over for the term, and Wendy and I are looking forward to our Caribbean cruise starting next weekend. However, we have to wade through all the medical appointments next week before we can go. I did have a CT scan this past week to check whether I have any other targets elsewhere (never thought I would ever do that with a smile). We expect to get the results of that plus more pathology results next week to help us make the right decisions as I begin fighting this disease. We won't start anything until we get back - and that decision was a little of my stubbornness coming through.

I had many people tell me in that last few weeks that they are happy to see that I am so positive about things. The strange thing is that I don't think that is particularly weird for me, it is normal. When I thought about it more, I believe that I am almost always positive about things. My positive outlook is actually quite normal for me, so there is no big change from before cancer. I am just being me, and that is likely another bit of my stubbornness being expressed. Weird would be if I was always falling apart and was either sad or angry all the time. Yes, I do fall apart, although less frequently every day. Though all that is coming my way, I am determined to always be conscious of the fact that I want to still be me.

Here is my philosophical view at this point in my journey. To me, being miserable is just plain weird. I truly don't know if being so positive about things will help to prolong my life, but it damn well will make what time I have left a lot more enjoyable.

Cheers!
Eric

Arrived home, having some changes

The last post that I had made was the final evening in Amsterdam. That next day we walked around and did some souvenir shopping then checked out of our hotel. If you ever go to Amsterdam, definitely consider staying at the Die Port Van Cleve. It was a fantastic place, the staff were very friendly, and it is in a great location. We took a train to the airport from Centraal Station and had lots of time to wait for our flight. The KLM flight home was very comfortable and the food/wine was reasonable. I came home with about 38 gb of pictures... they will take some time to process before I post some of the good ones.

On landing in Toronto, I texted Wendy and determined that she was at a baseball game. Parker wasn't umpiring - he was playing! He joined a team part way through the season after 1.5 years of not playing. He is on the Dundas Dodgers in the Dundas Minor Baseball League.

Parker at bat

Bugs flying around the lights during a late game

Tournament game

Yesterday we had a most memorable event for our family! Our driveway got finished!!!!

After having gravel and mud since mid May, we now have a real driveway. Next week we might actually be able to use it. Too bad Adam and Wendy were not here to see it done - Adam is at Borden working for the summer and Wendy is shopping in Michigan with Mel and her mother this weekend. I am doing the unemployed single father thing for the weekend while Parker competes in a baseball tournament.

Half finished

Done at last!

Yes, you read that correctly. I am unemployed. Due to a nasty mix-up with an expected faculty appointment, I am out of work and haven't been paid since July 1. I am now looking for academic work (I've applied to a university in Australia already) but am hoping that McMaster can come up with a compromise solution. The offer I received last week amounted to a $30,000 decrease in salary, no faculty appointment, and no benefits. Not happening. My old job was also not available due to finances. As a result, I applied for EI benefits a few days ago, so we will have to take things day by day.

Eric gets promoted...sort of...

After a 2 year contract as a Research Associate - Academic at McMaster, I was recently promoted to a staff position called Research Scientist. Aside from being the first job title that I have ever had that actually made sense, it isn't much of a promotion.  A significant pay cut, being put into a union, and getting only a 1 year contract isn't much to get excited about. Maybe when I renegotiate next year, things will be different...

Eric gets a new office

After the lab moved down to McMaster, office space became a critical important issue.  I had been sitting in a temporary desk for almost a year prior to the move, but my boss (Gurmit) and I needed a place to sit now that we were at the main campus full time.  Although not many places were available, it was decided that we could temporarily set up show in the Michael G. DeGroote Institute for Pain Research and Care (in the Michael G. DeGroote Centre for Learning and Discover - MDCL).

There isn't anyone sitting at the front desk, but maybe in the future...

My desk is on the right, close to the microwave

This works out well for us, as it is a nice office space with a kitchenette, and we are basic science pain researchers.

Commuting

Finally!  After a long and drawn out process, the lab I was working in at the Juravinski Cancer Centre has now moved down to the main campus at McMaster. I now work in the same hospital building as Wendy!

If you want to check it out, the lab website that I manage is singhlab.ca.

The best part of the move (aside from the more exciting academic environment) is that Wendy and I can now commute to work together.  Instead of the 25 minute drive up the mountain, Wendy and I have a WHOLE 6 minute commute to work! I am also now unable to get away with not bringing my lunch to work. :(